I have a daughter who seems to have been born with enough compassion for three people. Two years ago, at nine, she told me she wanted to volunteer her time helping people. This year she hand-made Valentines with her younger sister to deliver to the children’s hospital. She cries over stray dogs and loves to hold babies. I’d like to take the credit for her heart but she’s just wired that way. On the other hand, my six year old son is very much in the “what’s in it for me” stage. When we ask that he give a non-specified portion of his allowance to our “giving cup” he always puts in a penny. Compassionate? Not so much.
As a parent, one of the things I think about every day is how what I’m doing now with my four children will impact the adults they will be. As a Christian, it is important to me to teach my kids to be kind, generous and compassionate people. I know we don’t have it all down, but here are a few things we do.
1. Model compassion
As any parent knows, your kids will parrot what you say (sometimes in really embarrassing ways). They also parrot your behavior. Part of compassion is seeing the humanity in each person with whom I interact. Model treating people as valuable: tip your server, open the door for someone, get off the phone to greet your cashier at the grocery store, look people in the eyes, always say "please" and "thank you" (even to your kids), use words to talk about how you don't like actions people do instead of calling names.
2. Include them in giving
As I mentioned, we have a “giving cup”. We require each kid to put a portion of his/her allowance into the cup, although we have no requirement of how little or much. About once a year we count the money and talk about how they want to use it. We also let them have a say in where their unused toys and clothes go and we bring them with us when we donate. We also talk about what charities we support as a family and let them have a vote when appropriate. When we volunteer our time we bring them along to help. We want them to see that giving and service is a way of life.
3. Support their efforts
Kid ideas can be crazy. I find there is a fine line between helping bring an idea back to reality and crushing their dreams. I try and never say “no” outright when presented with an idea that has a great seed. We work together in brainstorming. Sometimes I will make a phone call to gather information, often I commit to driving or giving my time for something that isn’t my idea. Sometimes I just offer encouragement and see how my child works out the process. In all times, though, I try and reflect to them how grateful I am to see them thinking about other people.
A special thank you to my wife for co-writing this with me.
 | Kevin Miller is the digital marketing manager for St. Vincent de Paul. Kevin has been married for 17 years and has 4 beautiful children. |
